Collection
by purrpickle
Summary: This is a collection of all the various Buffy fanfics I have started through the years that didn't end up serious. It's mainly beginnings, but I do have some substantial stuff inside. Contains femslash, and mainly Willow centric.
1. Chapter 1

AN: So, this is my collection of Buffy: the Vampire Slayer story beginnings I have started and worked on through the years. As you will see, my heyday was around 2005, when I was suffering from my first ever break up. It's amazing how much angst can inspire you!

Anyway, I have read and reread and written on all (or most) of these, but have primarily lost all of my motivation to continue with them. However, if I ever suddenly get a deluge of inspiration and continue on with a story, I shall make note of it at the top of the story and repost it as its own story.

What else was I going to say…? Oh yeah. I've decided to keep the names of the files of the stories intact, so you can get a glimpse into how my mind works. Mostly, the names have nothing to do with the story, but some lucky few do. You see, I wanted to write at least one story (or file) with every letter of the alphabet in my Buffy folder, and so as new stories flowed from my fingers, I saved the files under whatever letter I hadn't already used alphabetically. Odd, I know. *grin*

And yes, I included ALL of the stories and beginnings I wrote (at least, the ones on my computer. This does not include the many, many, many stories I wrote out in hand and have squirreled away in notebooks somewhere in my room). I wasn't too shy to include any, no matter how stupid I think they are, or how they might not have any redeeming value. Of course, the ones I'm still interested in (posted or not) are not included. They're special. *grin* Well, not really, but they're closer to my heart.

These stories range wildly from logical to oh so insane. I have a very strange mind that provides new ideas for stories almost constantly, and if I think there's enough merit to it (or I'm feeling particularly silly) I go ahead and write it down. Besides, everyone knows that if you love a particular character, you must treat them horribly. :) Just, a little warning.

Most of these stories are Willow/Tara in nature, but I have noted where there is a different pairing. And yes, I am a femslash writer, so you know what to expect. Also, if it isn't obvious, I mainly focus on Willow Rosenberg. No, really. :p

These first few ones are the ones that actually managed to pass the one page mark! Wow. Even if some just barely accomplish it. *grin* The shorter ones shall follow. So, enjoy, and I hope this amuses you at least a little. I do not own Buffy: the Vampire Slayer nor the characters within.

* * *

1/17/05

Coping

*

It wasn't that she hated her life. No, it was just that she didn't have any direction to go in. _Direction_. God, she hated that word. It was the type of word that her mother would use with her clients. Along with self control and pride. Coping. Oh, God, that was another one. Willow just didn't know how to cope with herself.

Damn them. She _too_ knew how to cope. She just did it inwardly. When Jesse died, she didn't grieve, did she? Nope. She and Xander moved on. It almost made her sick to see how easily Xander had gotten over their childhood friend. Was she the only who had cried for his lost life at night? Ached for his familiar hugs and reassurances?

When he wasn't chasing after Cordelia, Jesse had been the one who had noticed Willow's moods and feelings. Well, better than Xander did, anyway. Was it really so easy for Xander to get over his friend because Buffy was there? He was the one who drove the spike through Jesse's chest, after all. Well, that had been because someone had run into the two, but still. She couldn't believe Xander could be that cold.

Heh. What did that say about her? She didn't seem to care that Amy's mother was gone, trapped somewhere. She didn't seem to care that Principal Flutie was gone, either, and he had been so much better than that snake Snyder. Or that Jenny was gone. Or that her Vampire Doppelganger had killed someone in the Bronze just to prove a point.

No. Willow sighed. She did care. She was just bitter. Bitter over everything. She just didn't want to deal with the massive amount of guilt that would pile up on her if she let it in.

Making up her mind, she reached out and shut off her bedside lamp, pulling the covers of her bed completely over her. Tomorrow, she would talk to her. And get some answers.

She didn't know what she would do if she didn't.

***

Anya was walking down the halls of Sunnydale High, having just escaped the idiotic babble of Harmony and the others, when an arm suddenly reached out and grabbed her, yanking her into a deserted classroom.

"Hey, hey!" she screeched, whirling around so she could see her captor, still jumpy after the Vampire Willow incident. "Well," she rolled her eyes, seeing who it was, "What do you want to do? Mock my frail human body? Go ahead, shouldn't hurt."

Willow Rosenberg just frowned at her. "What? No. This has nothing to do with you! Well, it does. Obviously. Seeing as I pulled you into here, after all. Anyway," the redhead shook her head, her red hair fanning over her shoulders, suddenly lunging forward, knocking the ex-demon's books from her grasp, "You have to help me!"

Anya snapped, "Hey!" pulling her arms away from the other girl's hands, "Why'd you do that for? I'm going to have to pay for these if they're harmed." Muttering under her breath about stupid Wiccans and their disregard of the importance of saving money, Anya ignored Willow's babble as she dusted her books off and set them onto a free desk. Seeing that they weren't harmed, she turned her attention back onto the teenager.

"-And I don't understand why this has happened, and it seems that it's all because of that spell we did – you know, the one that brought my icky counterpart here to terrorize the neighborhood – and I just don't know what to do! I looked back over the spell and all the ingredients we used, but it still shouldn't have backfired on me like that. And why didn't it backfire on you??"

The brunette held up her hands, trying to stop the flow of words from Willow's mouth. "Okay, hold on here," she said pointedly, "I'm going to be late to Math, which, by the way, I'm flunking, so you better tell me what you're babbling about before I get really angry. Believe me, if I still had my powers, I would…" She trailed off, pasting a smile on her face. Looking into the hacker's eyes, she said, "Well?"


	2. Chapter 2

12/28/04

Cordy

AN: Willow/Cordelia femslash.

* * *

Willow grabbed Cordelia from behind, slapping her hand over her mouth. The vampires stalked outside of the utility closet; the girls could hear their growls and footsteps. Kicking started pounding the door, making it shake, and the girls began to tremble harder.

The cheerleader whimpered, and Willow gripped her mouth tighter. Cordelia's breath was warm against the redhead's hand. When the vampires' steps suddenly disappeared and the kicking at the door ceased, Willow sighed and began to drop her hand. Immediately, Cordelia collapsed to the floor on her knees.

"My God," she breathed, "Why does this always happen to me? Like, has Buffy's weirdness rubbed off on me or something?" The brunette turned her head to look at Willow. "You know her. Does she have, like, some sort of weirdness odor that follows her around?"

Willow just smiled wanly back at her. She smoothed some hair away from her forehead. In fact, it wasn't the vampires that were making her tremble. Nope. Willow Rosenberg was more frightened by Cordelia Chase.

Outside, the vampires ran by, and the two froze again, Cordelia reflexively grabbing Willow's arm. Willow unobtrusively wrapped her arms around Cordelia's waist, and they gasped in sync, clinging against each other.

As silence ruled the air again, their muscles loosened.

"You think they're gone?" Cordelia whispered, piercing her with her gray-green eyes.

"I don't know." Willow answered her gaze solidly for a second, finally losing her braveness and skittering her eyes down. A blush warmed her cheeks.

"You know," Cordelia said, cocking her head, drawing her arms away, "If you just added a bit of makeup, your eyes really would stand out."

"What??" Willow couldn't believe her ears. Her arms dropped bonelessly to her sides. Taking a step back from the other girl in front of her, she took a seat down onto an overturned crate, suddenly feeling stifled in the small space.

The brunette rolled her eyes. "C'mon!" she said, exasperated, "Don't you think it would be more constructive if I concentrate on other things than impending death? I need something to keep myself sane, you know. And why not something that I know best? Fashion."

"Why me?" Willow asked weakly, trying to disappear into the wall, "Why not you?"

Cordelia gestured down at her dress, shaking her head. "Seeing as I'm already impeccably dressed and fashionable, why don't I do some charity and help you out? You obviously need it."

This was completely not what Willow wanted. "I…"

She didn't have a chance to speak. The cheerleader cut her off. "Alright, now. Seeing as we are in mortal danger, I am really going to have to put my all into this."

"But…" Willow's eyes widened, and she held one hand up in front of her, trying to fend off Cordelia, who just grabbed it.

"Hmm. Not too bad. You, my girl, are just going to have to come with me when we get out of here to the nearest manicurist. We cannot let you run around Sunnydale with cuticles like these!"

"We can't…?"

Cordelia snorted. Throwing her hair behind her shoulder, she took a seat next to the redhead, who automatically flinched.

"A tick? Great. Tell me, Rosenberg, just how overworked, are you?"

Swallowing, Willow asked, "A lot?"

The brunette sighed. Letting go of her hand, she looked off into the corner. "Alright," she seemed to make up her mind, "I'll let you off this week. You don't have to do my homework.

"Now." She turned back to the other teen, "Let's talk about your hair."

Willow fingered some of the long strands that fell over her shoulder. "What about it?" she asked defensively, "I like it long. Xander always said – " She cut herself off, blushing and looking down, avoiding Cordelia's gaze.

"Xander!" Cordelia burst out loudly, suddenly stopping and flicking her eyes at the door that stood between them and probable death. With baited breath, they both waited for a vampire to come crashing through.

When nothing happened, Cordelia turned back to her. She leaned forward and gripped Willow's hands in between her own. "You can do so much better than Xander!"

"I, but he!" Willow started to protest, tugging back her hands and beginning to play with the waist of her green dress, "I've known him for so long, and he knows everything about me and-"

Cordelia cut her off. Rolling her eyes, she said, "Exactly! There's no mystery there. I mean, tell me. How does he treat you?"

Willow avoided her gaze. With a sinking feeling in her chest, she realized that Cordelia had noticed exactly what Willow didn't want to. "Like a best friend." She looked quickly up, immediately starting to defend her longtime friend, "But that's okay, because-!"

"Willow! Snap out of it!" Cordelia whispered loudly, making the redhead pause, "You can't always wait around hoping that he'll suddenly sit up and notice you. If he hasn't already seen the woman that you are, he'll never see it. He's a male. And males are surprisingly more foolish than we give them credit for. Believe me, Xander's completely dumb to your charms."

"What charms?" Willow said miserably, feeling old tears crowd into her eyes again. "I'm Willow Rosenberg. I have no charms. I'm just the hacker nerd geek girl who does others' homework for them for fun. Heck! Giles and Buffy don't even need me." She felt her face begin to crumple.

Cordelia shrugged. "True."

"What?" Through wet eyes, Willow stared at her fellow prisoner.

Cordelia set her sculpted face into an expression of disdain, leaning back and crossing her arms. "Do I really have to repeat it? That's true. What you said. It's true. Giles and Buffy don't need you."

"I knew it!" And Willow hunched her body down, burying her head into her arms. "Strangely enough," she said, her voice cracked and muffled, "hearing you say it doesn't hurt as much as I thought it would. If you noticed it, it really would have to be true, wouldn't it?"

"Look," Cordelia sighed, and she reached out, touching Willow's shoulder with surprisingly gentleness, "I'm not one for soul-searching talks or whatever it is they call it on those Showtime movies that I so do not watch. Because, you know, that's just not popular right now. And, heaven forbid, if that ever got out, that I do watch them, I will so kill you.

"But that's not the point right now. Willow," the brunette moved the other girl's hands away from her face, "Look at me. Just don't get any tears onto my new dress. It's one of a kind."

Through a haze of leaking tears, the redhead protested, "I know that he only sees me as a best friend, but I can talk to him, unlike anyone else, and he's so comfortable and familiar and…" She trailed off. Something was bothering her, and she drew her brows together. She looked up.

Cordelia looked at her knowingly. "You just described a puppy."

Willow shut her eyes. "But…"

Cordelia shook her head. "No. Willow? You're obviously hiding behind something. And, being the all walkoverable person you are, you're too scared to admit it."

The redhead looked up at her, confused.

The cheerleader sighed again. She threw her hair over her shoulder, out of the way, and pursed her lips. Bringing a hand up to her forehead, she muttered under her breath, "Why am I even bothering? She's obviously too far gone to even notice the words coming out of my perfectly shaped lips."

Willow glared at her, her nose starting to stuff up, making her head feel like a watermelon.

Sighing once again, the brunette cocked her head to the side as if to listen for sounds outside of the closet, then grabbed her purse to rummage through it. Catching bits and pieces that sounded like, "Lipstick… No. Eyeliner? No… Not what I… Gum? Oh God! What is THAT doing in there?" Willow couldn't help but watch her with a nervous expression on her face. What was the popular girl planning?

Finally, with an 'aha!' look on her face, Cordelia whipped around to smirk at her. "Close your eyes."

Immediately, Willow refused, shaking her head wildly, her tear tracks stretching a little on her skin.


	3. Chapter 3

3/22/05

Death

* * *

A year before Buffy had arrived in Sunnydale, Willow Rosenberg had died. A car accident, hit and run. While the driver of the car had freaked out, dialing 911 on his cell phone, her limp body drained itself of blood, one of her ribs puncturing her lung. She had struggled to cough her last breath, finally still.

An hour later, she woke up in the morgue. The teenager had sat up, a white sheet pooling around her naked waist, wide green eyes staring at her surroundings. Cold, scared, paranoid, and confused, she ran past the lifeless bodies to the door, which was locked. Seeing an open window, she broke it farther outwards. Jumping out, she tumbled a floor down, finally running off into the night, clutching the white sheet to herself. Reaching her home and collapsing onto her bed, she rocked herself to sleep, terrified.

She never told anyone what had happened, and the police had never gone looking for her. Death and disappearances were common in Sunnydale, after all. Willow had put the incident behind her, rationalizing the experience as a dream. And, when Buffy had arrived, she was too caught up with the fight against vampires and things that go bump in the night that she didn't give any thought to herself.

However, now, she had every reason to. As the Grisalk demon traced one of its claws down her jaw and neck, blood trailed down from her splitting skin. It chortled evilly to itself. Willow whimpered, knowing that Buffy wasn't patrolling that night. The Slayer was spending the evening with Xander and Cordelia at the Bronze watching Oz play. They weren't expecting her till later. Because Willow had decided to surprise them by coming earlier, she was now in this particular predicament.

The demon snuffled at her neck, holding her hostage by one huge hand wrapped around her chest, constricting her breathing, crushing her. She wheezed, tears leaking out of her eyes, her arms pressed against her sides. She couldn't remember any spells, and the pain was making her mind cloudy. It hurt so much… For the second time in her life, Willow Rosenberg knew that she was going to die. What she could remember about the Grisalk demon was not good.

And, as the demon punched its fist into her chest and tore out her heart, it tossed Willow's lifeless body over its shoulder, gorging on the still pumping muscle. Showered in her blood and reenergized, it wandered off into the night, looking for another easy victim.

An hour and a half later, Willow's fingers twitched. Her chest suddenly inflated, and she gasped, sitting up. With trembling hands, she touched her chest where a bloody hole once gaped. Poking through her torn shirt, she felt only skin and a faint heartbeat. Trembling so violently she could barely move, Willow lurched onto her hands and knees, vomiting messily onto the blood covered ground.

She remembered dying. The pain. The blankness. A surge of acid pushed against her throat, and she expelled it. What… What was happening to her? Tears burned out of her eyes, and she shuddered. Raising tentatively onto her feet, she teetered home, holding onto anything she could to hold herself up.

She stank of blood, sweat, and vomit. Entering her house, she made her way to the shower, where she sank sobbing under the warm spray. She was too afraid to take off her clothing. Scrubbing everywhere on her body so harshly she tore her clothing and rubbed her skin raw, she finally collapsed still sobbing onto her bed.

The frantic knocking on her bedroom door woke her up some time later. "Willow! Willow!" Confused and achy with a fog-filled head, Willow groaned and burrowed herself deeper into her covers. The pounding continued. She wished it would go away and let her sleep in peace. "Willow? Willow!" Finally, after it sounded like an army brigade had used her door as target practice for thrown bowling balls, the interruption stopped.

Her relief was short lived when the door swung open and Buffy stepped into her room. Heading straight for the bed, the blonde threw herself down onto the redhead, gathering her into a hug.

There was another noise at the door, and Xander appeared, gasping for breath, his hands on his knees. Looking up through his bangs, he wheezed, "Geez, Buffy. Slayer, versus NORMAL. Thanks for leaving me behind."

"No problem." Buffy moved away, giving Willow a tremulous smile. "You okay?"

"What…?" Blinking herself awake, the redhead looked up as Xander moved towards the bed, taking a seat next the both of them, folding his long legs.

"You were out for a three days, Will'."

"I was?"

"Yeah." Xander reached out and ruffled her hair gently, in the way he used to.

Buffy frowned at her. "You didn't get our messages? The school called, too."

"School?"

"Well, Giles."

"Ah." Willow nodded, sitting back, yawning. She had been sleeping for three days? She didn't feel much rested. She looked over at the phone machine – it was blinking. Seeing that her two best friends were looking at her expectantly, she mustered a smile, "Sorry guys. I've just been sleeping. A cold, you know."

Buffy took a hand and felt her forehead, a concerned expression on her face. "You do feel a little warm…"

Willow coughed obligingly for her.


	4. Chapter 4

6/21/05

Intuition

* * *

She had fallen asleep with her head on a magic book again. Groaning, she lifted herself off of the ancient tome and wiped the drool from her mouth. Making sure that she hadn't ruined any of the scratched ink scribbling, she finally allowed herself to stretch up, raising her arms above her head. Yawning, she closed the book with a thud, scraping her chair back as she rose, cracking her back along the way.

A symbol glowed briefly on the palm of her right hand, unnoticed, fading away and melting into her skin, the black ink running along the lines and into her pores. On the cover of the book, the same symbol glowed until she exited the room.

Unknowingly, Willow Rosenberg had done something Very Bad.

"Hey girl, where ya been?" Buffy called, throwing a smile at Willow as she walked into the Espresso Pump. Grinning back at her, the redhead took the seat across from her and accepted the cold iced mocha.

"Ehh…" Willow blushed, "I fell asleep at Giles'…"

"Again? Jeez, Will, you're working too hard. Seriously. You need to get out more."

Willow ignored Buffy's concerned hazel eyes and played with her straw. "But this is what I'm good at. You know? Researching and Willow Rosenberg go together like peas in a pod. It's what I do."

The blonde sighed, reaching out a hand to gently lay it onto her best friend's. "But it's not _all_ you do," she squeezed, making Willow look up at her. She smiled, "I need my Willow time, too."

"Oh, gee, thanks, Buffy. That makes me feel special. I'm here on this earth to do research and keep you company."

"You know I didn't mean that."

Willow sighed. "Yeah, I know. I'm just… I dunno. A little wigged out. I woke up this morning with the feeling that something was off. It's affected my whole day."

Studying her, Buffy chewed her lip for a second before taking a long sip of her own iced mocha. "That bad, huh? D'ya think it's some Wicca thing?"

The redhead scratched absently at her hand. "I don't think so. I think it's just a side affect of using Giles' book as a pillow." She grinned mischievously up at her friend.

Buffy grinned back at her. "Any drool this time?"

Willow blushed. She looked away. "I don't know what you're talking about…"

"You did!"

"Just a little!" the Wicca protested, and Buffy nodded, letting it drop. However, she couldn't stop the little chuckle that passed her lips.

"Laugh all you want," Willow retorted, "I'm not the one that woke up chewing on a Watcher's diary!"

"You promised you wouldn't say anything about that!"

"Yeah, well, Giles still believes that it was a raccoon that snuck into your house, so I think I'm safe in bringing it up whenever I want to away from him."

The blonde and her friend continued bickering good naturedly until Buffy had a class. Waving goodbye and promising that she'd pay for their next coffee meeting, Willow watched her walk out, letting the ice clink at the bottom of her cup. She hadn't lied to her best friend at all. Just… played with it a bit. Maybe. If even that.

She sighed, scratching her hand again. Why did it itch so much? Looking down at her palm, she drew her fingers out, stretching her skin to see if there was any rash or bug bites. Seeing nothing but the usual discoloring from pink to white as her tendons moved under her skin, she frowned down at it accusingly.

Out of curiosity, maybe she'd have someone read her palm, she thought, studying the three major lines that creased her palm. It wouldn't hurt, would it? Maybe it'd even stop the blasted itching!

So, when someone sat down at the table right next to hers, Willow turned to the blonde woman and asked, "Can you read palms?"

Tara Maclay had never been to the Espresso Pump before, but the nice man at the Magic Box had recommended it to her as a good place to take a break before she had to go back to UCSD. Passing the bright sign, Tara had decided to take his advice and go in, feeling that some hot cider would be good in the still nippy weather of November. So, after she had ordered her beverage and paid, she turned to stake out the establishment.

Noticing that the only empty seat was at a table where a small blonde girl was just getting up and saying goodbye to a pretty redheaded girl, she hung out near the wall by the counter. Tara was too shy to go up and sit with someone she didn't know, and she didn't think the redhead would appreciate it anyway, as she seemed to be completely engrossed in her thoughts.

Finally, the man at the single table near the redhead folded up his newspaper and stood up, taking his coffee cup with him. Watching him toss both the paper and cup into the nearest trash can, Tara figured that would be best place she could get. Blowing on her cider, she hurried to take the table before anyone else could.

Even before she could get completely settled into her seat, the redhead turned to her and asked, "Can you read palms?"

"Wh-what?" she blinked, her fingers tightening briefly on the waxy paper in her hand.

Bright green eyes looked up at her. A pink tongue swept fleetingly out of the redhead's mouth, wetting her lips. She looked hopefully at Tara. "Can you read palms?" she repeated.

Tara's eyes widened, and she flicked her gaze away, around the café, feeling as if everyone was looking at her, waiting for her answer. What should she say? The truth? Why was this girl even asking her? But, as her eyes met the redhead's again, she could tell the girl wasn't trying to make fun of her.

She took a sip of her cider to steady her nerves, and answered truthfully. "Y-yes, I can."

"Great!" Relief shown bright in the girl's face, and she blushed for a second, lowering her voice, "Would you, could you read mine?"

Swallowing her immediate question of 'why?', Tara nodded her head and wiped her hands nervously on her skirt.

The girl smiled gratefully and moved her chair over a few feet. Smiling shyly, she offered her right hand, palm up. Feeling as if she was starting some test, Tara gently took her hand into her own.

The first thing Tara thought was, wow, she's so warm and soft… However, as she looked up to see the girl's eager expression as she bent over her palm, she forced her mind to get back to what she was supposed to be doing. Moving her bang that had fallen in front of her eyes back behind her ear, she started.

Willow watched as the girl concentrated over her palm, moving her lips as if she was talking to herself. To be truthful, she almost felt silly asking a perfect stranger to be doing this, but her hand had stopped itching the moment the blonde had taken it, and she didn't want that feeling to end. The girl's hands were slightly cold, the centers warm from her drink, and it made Willow shiver slightly. Still, the way she held her hand as if it was a sacred object made her thrill to no end.

She watched, fascinated. Palmistry was one part of Wicca and divining that Willow had never been good at. The last time she had tried to read Xander's palm hadn't gone over too well when she confused his Life Line with his Intelligence, and predicted that he'd have the genius of Albert Einstein and only a short life to enjoy it. When it was discovered that they had been switched, however, Xander hadn't spoken to her for weeks, convinced that it was her fault that he didn't do well in school. Of course, that had been in 5th grade, but Willow was still too traumatized to ever try it again.

The girl gently traced a finger down the line nearest Willow's thumb. She shivered at the almost intimate feeling that elicited in her.


	5. Chapter 5

7/29/05

Kitten

* * *

Tara looked down as Willow rubbed against her sleepily, short strands of burgundy hair trailing over her thigh, the redhead's head nestled against her leg. Smiling, Tara dropped her hand from the open book in front of her and gently began to stroke the side of Willow's face. Purring in her sleep, the redhead made a little mewing noise and snuggled deeper, burrowing into her side.

"Oh Willow…" the blonde woman murmured, feeling the softness of her girl under her hand, drawing her fingers away to scratch softly between her ears, "You're so adorable…"

Mewing and blinking sleepy eyes open, the rare-colored cat shifted and offered Tara her belly, a rumbling purr shaking her small body. She pressed eagerly into her touch.

Giggling, Tara put her homework down off to the side and turned over, belly to the sheets. Reaching out both of her long hands, she proceeded to massage Willow into a bigger mass of purring nerves. Staring lovingly into the brilliant green eyes that stared back at her, Tara shook her head and got onto her knees, scooping the kitten up into her arms.

Batting at the blonde hair that hung over Tara's shoulder, Willow mewed up at her owner, not at all concerned that she was on her back. She loved being held in her Tara's arms, feeling an almost imperceptible answering purr radiating from the human's body as she herself rumbled happily on.

Tara made her happy.

"Time for food, isn't it, girl?" Tara asked, sliding off of the bed. Setting Willow onto the ground with a gentle pat, the blonde opened up the bag of dry cat food she kept in her closet away from prying eyes – her dorm was animal free after all – and poured a small helping into the waiting bowl.

With an excited squeak, the red kitten pounced.

Blinking back tears at the almost overwhelming feel of love she felt for her little Willow, Tara went about finding her own food.

***

"I swear," she mumbled, taking a long sip of her milkshake, "It's like we can understand each other."

The other blonde, a smaller girl with lighter hair, happily snacked on the french fries in front of her. Chewing for a second, she smiled, placing her head on her hand so she could lean closer to ask, "Tara? Are we talking about the adorable ball of fur again?"

Tara blushed for a second, but nodded. "Yeah," she smiled sheepishly, snagging a french fry for herself.

Buffy gazed at her for a second, finally shaking her head. "You know," she started, teasing, "If Willow wasn't a cat, I'd swear you were in love with her, you talk about her so much."

"I can't help it! I… She's just what I needed."

Buffy nodded. "Unconditional love, I know."

Tara stared wistfully off to the side. "Yeah," she murmured.

Deciding that she didn't like the tone the conversation was going towards, Buffy shook her head and sat up straight, trying to put some perkiness back into the best friend catch up time, "Tara, I know. 'Sides, you're lucky. Mom won't let Dawn and me have a cat. Dog neither, pooh." She pouted, shaking her head again. Not seeing the smile she wanted to see grace her friend's mouth, she sighed and reached out a hand to cover the one the other woman had pressed against the plastic of the table they sat at.

"Tara?" she started, squeezing her hand slightly, "Have I ever told you about the Willow I know – or knew, actually?"

The dirty blonde looked up, surprised. Buffy had never mentioned that fact when Tara had brought over the kitten the day after she had gotten her. "No," she offered, using her other hand to pick up her milkshake and take another sip.

"Well, when I moved here in 10th grade… I told you about how I met Xander, right? Good. Well, anyway, I, uh, didn't mention the fact that Xander had been best friends with Willow, not just Jesse."

Tara winced. "Did she have to get dusted, too?"

"No." Buffy shook her head, a strange expression settling onto her face. "That was the strange part. Willow actually became part of the Scoobies, just like Xander and Cordelia did. In fact, before you came along, we were just a regular bunch of high school nerds fighting demons and vampires."

Tara let one side of her lips curl up into a smile. "So, what happened?" she asked gently when no more seemed to be coming from her companion.

Buffy tensed slightly, until a sad smile eased over her face. She dropped Tara's hand and sat back against the booth seat. "It's funny, huh, when you brought over Willow to show me. I was shocked. Willow, my Willow, Willow Rosenberg – that was her name – had the same color hair as your kitten had fur. She had long red hair and the most sparkling green eyes… So sweet and eager, Willow was. Willing to do whatever research she could, always happy and bouncy." The blonde took a deep breath, held it, then let it out slowly. "I thought, I thought for a second that she was my Willow turned into a kitten."

"Buffy…" Tara slid over next to her friend, who was obviously struggling with the memories, "Why didn't you tell me before? I could have named her something completely different."

"No," Buffy snuffled, shaking her head, her voice deepening with emotion, "That wouldn't be right. Willow would have liked it, I think."

Tara opened her arms, and Buffy slid into them thankfully. She rocked her silently for a while, looking over the restaurant and murmuring softly into the other woman's ear, waiting until she calmed down. She was dying to know what had happened to the girl to make Buffy and the others never talk about her again, but she knew she could wait.

"She disappeared," the smaller blonde answered her suddenly, as if Tara had spoken aloud. Her body against Tara's was tense, but the Wicca could feel relief already seeping into her bones, relaxing her. "We went out patrolling one night, nothing out of the ordinary. We decided to end early that night, and even though I offered to walk her back to her house, Willow refused. She knew that I had a date with Angel that evening, and didn't want to cause me to be late. Eager to see him myself…" Buffy choked slightly, her words beginning to be muffled by tears, "it wasn't too hard to let her walk home by herself.

"The next morning, she didn't show up to school. The next day either. No one picked up her phone – her parents were off somewhere, god knows where. She just disappeared off the face of the planet. At first, I was petrified that a vampire or demon had gotten to her, but her body never turned up, and I never encountered her to dust her. Everyone tried to tell me that it wasn't my fault, but!" The Slayer suddenly wrenched herself away and punched the seat roughly, her face wet with tears, "If I wasn't so eager to see Angel that night, she would still be here, wouldn't she?"

Hazel eyes begged Tara to comfort her, and the blonde did. Lowering her voice, she gently brushed the tears away from her friend's eyes, "Buffy. It wasn't your fault. You can't live with the what ifs. You said she was a Scooby, right? Then she knew how to take care of herself. If you didn't believe in her, then you wouldn't have let her walk home alone. You said it yourself, you don't know what happened to her. She could still be alive, somewhere."

"Really? Xander and I thought so, going over everything we could remember about how she had acted the weeks before, wondering if she had run away or something. I used to keep the phone by my bed, hoping that she would call me…" Buffy's eyes watered again, and she dropped her chin to her chest, hiding behind the bangs that fell over her eyes, "I miss her, sometimes…"

***

Stepping into her dark dorm room and flipping the switch that would bathe it with light, Tara sighed deeply. Slipping off her jacket and bag, she let them drop to the ground, her mind filled with thoughts of what Buffy had revealed to her earlier that day. How had she kept that bottled up inside of her for so long?

Shaking her head, she made her way over to her bed to where her kitten was nestled into her pillow, curled up into a small bundle. "Oh girl…" she murmured, reaching out a hand to caress her soft side, not wanting to wake her up, "You don't realize the day I've had…"

But Willow did know. Stretching out her legs to get the kinks out of them, she rolled over slightly, not wanting to let her Tara know that she was awake. Her human had the smell of the Outside on her, and – and something else. Flexing her nose for a second to get a deeper smell, she realized what it was. Tara had the smell of the Other on her. The other human who had yellow fur on her head.

She sighed, feeling sleep call to her again, Tara's strokes lulling her into a state of relaxation. She was good at that, Willow realized. Tara was good at calming. Perhaps that's what she had been doing to Yellow – she had that smell around her. Like she had used her magik to make another feel good.

She smiled to herself. That was good. Something about Yellow always made her feel safe, even if Tara made her feel even safer. But there was so much sadness in Yellow, and Willow tried to purr even louder when Yellow was around, reacting to her touch to let her know Willow was happy.

Something was familiar about Yellow, too. But Willow couldn't put her paw on it. It was the same feeling she felt whenever she thought about the fact that she was still a kitten. Even if it was fun being so young and carefree, Willow was a bit confused. Shouldn't she have grown by now? She had been a kitten for three human years, but she still hadn't grown.

Ah well. She snuggled into the warmth of her Tara's side as her human decided to succumb to the calling of sleep herself. Purring slightly, she pushed all non-sleep thoughts away. Whenever Tara smelled like she had used her magik, she always had to sleep deeply for a while.

Willow liked that. It meant that her human was kind and sweet, so full of pure magik, helping out whenever she could. That was one of the reasons Willow had picked her to be her human. Her Tara was her Tara, and she didn't want anyone else having her.


	6. Chapter 6

12/30/04

Miss Kitty

* * *

The stars outside of her apartment were glowing through the early morning fog. Sitting back against the side of her large window, her legs crossed and her arms wrapped around her knees, Tara Maclay watched the sun rise.

It was with the new day that the blonde woman realized just how much she wanted someone to watch it with her by her side.

Sighing, she rose from the purple floor pillow she had sat on and entered her kitchen, intent on fixing herself a cup of strong tea. Because her job as a painter allowed her the choice of her own hours, it was Tara's own personal philosophy that got her up at 5:30 every morning, rain or shine. Twining around her feet as she entered the kitchen, realizing that with her entrance she was about to be fed, Tara's black and white cat Miss Kitty Fantastico meowed hungrily.

Chuckling down at her, Tara smiled and reached into the cupboard, securing down her bag of Science Diet cat food. Pouring some into Miss Kitty's bowl, the 22 year old graduate gently petted the sleek feline for several seconds, murmuring, "Yeah, that's right. You were hungry, weren't ya? Enjoy the food you have every day while I do as well – toast and fried eggs."

Miss Kitty Fantastico had been her friend Faith's idea. Ever since Faith had had to do her community service at the Sunnydale Humane Society for jacking a car last spring, the brunette had been badgering Tara to adopt a pet. Knowing that Tara had grown up without pets other than horses and a guard dog and had always wanted a personal companion of her own, Faith had finally convinced the blonde to accompany her one Sunday.

As Tara and her shorter friend walked into the feline section of the building, the painter had tried to remind her that she was 'only looking.'

Faith snorted. Poking her, she smirked knowingly, "T, you've always told me that when you graduated from college you were going to get a cat. And, believe me, I may be as tough as nails, but some of these cats here made my heart melt."

"But they're so much work, and…" Tara's protests were slowly dying on her lips when she saw the cages and various sizes and shapes of cats contained within.

"Really? All you have to do is feed them and pet them and provide them with toys. Doesn't sound too hard to me." Faith's attention was caught by a black tom whose name was apparently Butters. "Tara!" she laughed, "Look at this! Isn't he cute?"

But Tara wasn't listening to her. "Faith…" she breathed out, already an aisle and a half away, "I've found her…"

"What? Already? I thought you said you were just looking." Faith waved goodbye to Butters and made her way to where Tara crouched over a cage second from the bottom.

Poking her finger through the plastic-covered wire, Tara whispered out, "It's okay. I won't hurt you. Come here…" Over her shoulder, she asked, "I wonder what her name is…?"

Faith shrugged. The card was empty where the name should have been. "Maybe she's new. I know no one was in that cage when I worked in here two days ago," she offered, moving closer to her best friend, "C'mon, move away so I can see her."

But Tara was already unlatching the gate and gently reaching in to pick up the cat that had caught her attention. Faith moved away to allow her to back up.

In the blonde's arms was the cutest kitten Faith had ever seen, purring loudly and snuggling into Tara's light green sweater. She had a black and white face and short hair, piercing green eyes and white socked paws. She meowed, and at the sound, both of the girls' expressions melted into ones of complete adoration.

"Oh, Faith," Tara looked up at her as the kitten nuzzled her chin, her blue eyes filled with tears, "She's the one. I have to have her."

"T…" Faith shook her head, stroking the kitten, "I knew you'd find her. C'mon, let's check her out."

And Tara did, refusing to keep the kitten – which she had promptly named Miss Kitty Fantastico after a distant dream she once had – locked away in the carrying case as they drove to her apartment. Instead, the once homeless cat purred contentedly on her lap all the way home.

And that was how Miss Kitty had come to stay. Growing from a small rambunctious and curious kitten into a svelte active cat, both owner and pet couldn't have been happier with each other.

However, as Miss Kitty looked up from her food as Tara made herself breakfast, she worried about her human. Gobbling the last piece of tasty dried kibble up and licking her bowl clean, the black and white cat set about washing away the remains of her meal. Tara was lonely. As much as Miss Kitty offered her companionship, Tara was lonely for another of her kind. It had been ages since the human had brought home another human for Miss Kitty to meet, other than the brunette one that was named Faith and always dropped in when she didn't have class, and Miss Kitty, as a respectable feline, was getting concerned.

Jumping up onto the window her human had just been sitting on, Miss Kitty looked towards where she knew the moon would be shortly setting. "Please, mother," she prayed, twitching her tail in acknowledgement, "Bring the one who will make Tara happy…"


	7. Chapter 7

9/18/05

Queerness

AN: This is actually one of the many story ideas I've been kicking around for YEARS, trying to get it to work. Well, I haven't. Instead, I just write spurts and pieces. This is the longest that I ever managed to write down.

* * *

Happily humming in the shower, Willow lathered the sweet smelling shampoo through her hair, singing a couple of the words out loud. Reveling in the warmth of the water, she tilted her head back, washing the lotion out of her red locks. Suddenly, cold water gushed out of the nozzle without warning. With a violent jerk, she threw herself backwards, her back slamming against the cold tile wall. But it was too late.

Willow Rosenberg had turned into a male.

Cursing under her breath, she fiddled with the dial, trying to get some warm water to come coursing down. But there was none to be had. Figuring that maybe someone was using the dishwasher or washing machine, she jumped out of the stall. Soaking wet, she padded over to the sink, turning the hot water on. After a minute or so, she stuck her hand under the faucet. She held her breath waiting for the biting sting.

But there was none. Confused, and a little panicked, she finally heard Buffy raising her voice from the other side of the bathroom door, "Sorry Willow, but mom just told me that they turned off the hot water on the block. Hope you were almost done."

Thinking quickly, Willow made her voice higher, calling back, "No worries, Buffy!"

"That's good. I'll be downstairs for breakfast. Mom wants to leave in ten minutes."

"Okay! Be out in a second." With all the practice the redhead had with changing her voice, she figured she could be a great voice actress. Or actor. Whatever. She could hear Buffy's descent down the stairs. Wrapping a huge fluffy towel around herself as she usually did in her female form, she tried to figure out how she could get downstairs and heat some water for herself without getting caught.

Buffy solved that problem herself. When Willow was sneaking from the bathroom to the bedroom where she had left the clothes she was going to change into, Buffy had suddenly appeared behind her. Hunching down and trying to not appear as linear as she was, Willow didn't dare turn around.

"Willow?" The redhead could hear her walking forward, "You want anything for breakfast?"

"Uhm…" What could she say? Aha! "Could you just heat me up some hot water? I'll make some of the oatmeal you said your mom just got."

"Okay! Sounds good. In fact, I think I'll have some myself." The blonde's voice was perky.

"And could you bring it up here when the water's hot? I like to mix it myself. And, and that way, I could eat while packing and kill two birds with one stone!"

"Sure thing."

Sneaking a glance to see that Buffy had turned away, Willow finally made it to the Slayer's room. She got dressed as fast as she could, grimacing at how the clothes didn't fit her male body that well.

When Buffy came up with a pack of oatmeal and a bowl in one hand and a teakettle in the other, Willow hid behind the door as it opened. She snaked her hand out and grabbed the kettle, dribbling some of the water over her hand, hissing at the heat. But it did the trick.

She was female again.

Smiling, she fully appeared, taking the food, "Thanks, Buff'. Almost done here."

"That's… great." The blonde looked at her weirdly, raising an eyebrow at her best friend. "Say, Willow," she flopped down onto her bed, "Have you been working out?"

"What?" The hacker almost choked on her spoonful of oatmeal, "What do you mean?"

Buffy shrugged. "Well, earlier, when you came out of the shower, you just looked… buff. I wasn't checking you out or anything! But from one best friend to the other, you had some pretty broad shoulders."

Willow looked down at her shoulders, and then back up, laughing nervously, "I think you were just seeing things. See? I'm too narrow."

"Yeah…" Buffy regarded her quizzically, but she finally nodded. "I guess so. Hah. Sorry. Hope you weren't offended."

"No problem. No problem. You're the Slayer, after all. It's not like you have to see things accurately."

"Hey!"

"Just trying to be helpful."

"Yeah, right."


	8. Chapter 8

5/06/05

Revelations

AN: Ohh, this one! I love this one! It has a special place in my heart, no matter how silly or Crackfic it's like. I actually managed to write a lot down before I just couldn't figure out what to do next. However, it has a distinction of being one that I mapped out mentally what was going to happen in the future down the way, so who knows? I may end up writing more! Yay! I hope I do.

So, this part seems to be Willow/Faith femslash, but the overall story was going to be Willow/Tara, I swear. I guess I just love having Willow and Faith being naughty together. *grin*

* * *

Cordelia took a deep breath. Her, it was all her fault. She had decided to do it. Cordelia knew that Xander didn't have the strength to turn down anything. It must have been her. Somehow. With Anya behind her, and at her last straw, she looked out over the quad of Sunnydale High and intoned, her voice hard with emotion, "I wish Willow Rosenberg was gay!"

"Done." Anyanka smiled, letting her demon face appear. However, no clap of thunder split the air, and she frowned, trying again. "Done!" Nothing, again. "What the hell…?" she muttered to herself, not realizing that Cordelia had already walked on. Looking over at an arguing couple, she willed the boy to hit himself.

Watching as he did, her frown got deeper. This was new. For once, a scorned woman had wished for something that was already true. Grumbling to herself, she became human once again and scurried after her client. Stupid clause of her contract; she could only leave after she performed a wish.

"That makes sense, doesn't it?" Cordelia turned to her, not even noticing that the other brunette hadn't been with her the whole time. "She's a little lesbian, isn't she?"

"Who? Willow?" Anya asked.

"No, the Chanel model. Who else would I be talking about?" Cordelia tossed her hair over her shoulder. "God, all this time she's been little 'miss innocent' with Oz and Xander! It's so pathetic! Just look at the way she dresses! Birkenstocks and everything!"

The popular girl was really getting into her rant. Anya rolled her eyes. Get on with the wishing! she muttered to herself. "But what about Xander?" she piped up, "Don't those stupid males always get turned on by that girl-on-girl stuff? Don't you find that disgusting?"

But Cordelia didn't hear her. "Oh, ewww…" she suddenly stopped in the middle of the hall, bringing her books even closer to her chest. "What if she's been fantasizing about me? I've seen the way she looks at me! I just know there's something going on in her head about me. You know," she said triumphantly, turning to confirm her hypothesis with Anya, "that's probably the reason she went after Xander! So he would break up with me!"

"Mmhmm." Anya was beginning to lose interest.

"God, that conniving little lesbo! How devious she is! She's so innocent on the outside… How she must be playing with all of us! It's all an act, isn't it?"

Anya nodded tiredly along. She almost had to smother a yawn. Stupid mortals!

Narrowing her eyes, Cordelia almost snarled. "People need to know this! They need to see the true her!"

Anya perked up. Now this sounded promising! "Don't you just wish everyone would know about her?" she asked. "That would put Xander in his place, wouldn't it? Make a fool of him?"

"Of course!" Cordelia laughed. "But that's not good enough! I need to expose the real person Willow is. I need for everyone to see just how devious she is! I need them to know her disgusting lesbian manipulations. I need them to know exactly what she did.

"In fact," Cordelia's voice became low and serious again, "I wish that every single lesbian thought little miss Willow Rosenberg had, she would automatically say! That would be funny, right? It would certainly alienate the little stealer-of-boyfriends!"

But Anyanka didn't hear the rest of her chatter. "Done!" she crowed triumphantly, glad to hear the sudden thunderclap in the air. She could feel her magic coil around her body, ready to flow out and find the girl it was meant to change. With a mental flick, it detached, heading straight towards the school library. Confidant, Anyanka decided to wait around to see what kind of mischief this would bring up. She had added her own twist to the spell…

***

Willow suddenly sat up straight in her chair. Confused, she looked around the library, tucking some red hair behind her ear. Seeing nothing, she frowned and turned back to the comic book she had been reading, sure that the weird feeling she had felt was just her own imagination.

It was actually quite an interesting comic. Having borrowed it from public library, she had picked it because of the odd title. _Revolutionary Girl Utena_, by Chiho Saito. Usually not into reading comics as much as Xander was, this one had interested the high school teenager. Having passed it on her way to the checkout desk, she had stopped. The style of the art intrigued her – Japanese animation and manga were a secret passion of hers – and the picture of two girls, one with white skin and pink hair, the other with darker skin, Hindu-looking, with purple hair and a bindhi on her forehead, in an odd embrace, the pink-haired girl holding a sword, had interested her even more. So, on impulse, Willow had grabbed it from the comics' shelf and added it to her stack.

And, reading it now, the redhead was sure of one thing. "The two are together, aren't they?" she said aloud.

She frowned. Why had she spoken out loud? She hadn't meant to. Nobody was in the library with her.

"Utena and Anthy are soo attracted to each other!"

She jumped, surprised to realize that she had spoken again.

"They're looking at each other, and gosh, they're even engaged! What did the people in Japan think?"

Willow slapped a hand over her mouth. There she went again! She had spoken even though she hadn't meant to! What was wrong with her? Looking down at the comic, she was beginning to get weirded out. Closing it, she glanced at the cover once more before sliding it into her bag.

"They're so pretty…" she breathed, zipping up her bag. I wish I could draw like that.

Faith decided to ooze through the door right when Willow was beginning to fear that something was really wrong with her. "Hey, Red," Faith said, sliding over to take a seat next to her on the top of the table. "What's up in your little Wicca head?"

As the redhead looked up to acknowledge the other Slayer, she opened her mouth and said, "Wow, what a skanky shirt. What must Faith do to her breasts to get them to look like that, or is it natural? And does she ever not look like she's prowling for sex? I wish I could sometimes attract as much attention to my body as she does. But then again, I'm not as attractive as she is."

Willow turned white, and she started to shake. "I just said that out loud, didn't I? Now I'm going to mention the fact that she's incredibly toned and powerful, and that her pants are incredibly hot yet skanky and – and why am I saying these things!?" The redhead whirled around. She started to mumble to herself.

Stunned, Faith blinked. She had just been complimented…in an insulting way. What was the redhead witch playing at? "Hey, Red," she said gruffly, jumping off of the table, "What was that? You tryin' to become a letch?" She walked around to face Willow, who had her eyes tightly shut.

"She has a smoky voice." Startled green eyes flew open to stare at her, and Willow spoke again, "And the most piercing brown eyes." The girl squeaked, running away from her to behind a tall bookcase.

"Yo, Red, this your way of flirtin' with me?" Faith asked, almost too surprised to remember that she had to keep her tough façade up, "Cuz' it ain't too original! When did you decide to leave the stick?"

"I didn't!" Willow retorted, her voice floating across the room, "I'm not flirting with you! I'm just suddenly saying things out loud! It's not like I look at your breasts – but they are so shapely and she smells nice when she stands close to me. It's like a passion perfume that she just emits out. I wonder if Buffy is that fit? Or is it just Faith that has that alluring aura around her? It must be because she's so mysterious. I've always had a thing for mysterious people… - Oh my God!" Her voice became strangled.

Faith lifted an eyebrow. She could hear Willow talking to herself in desperate tones. It really did seem like she didn't know what she was saying. It was very disturbing. However, the Slayer figured she could have some fun… Willow was pretty cute when she was blushing.

Using her senses to figure out which bookcase the redhead was hiding behind, the brunette grinned anticipatorily as she saw the smaller girl curled up with her arms around her knees, her hands clapped tightly over her ears. Her eyes were clenched shut. Walking over to where she stood right in front of her, Faith smirked and nudged Willow with her foot. What would her next babble reveal?

Green eyes opened cautiously, and then Willow eeped when she saw who was standing above her, trying to disappear back into the bookcase. "Oh Goddess," she murmured, "Look how close she is! Does she have to thrust her pelvis at me?"

Faith grinned, leaning down, affording the mortified girl with an ample view of her cleavage. Eyes wide, Willow blushed and tried to shove the younger girl away, all the while spouting, "Stop it! She makes me so uncomfortable! I wish she would stop smoldering sexuality!"

The Slayer just continued grinning, her strength keeping her standing even through Willow's ministrations. She decided to up the ante. Kneeling down so she was on the same level as her prey, she planted her arms on either side of Willow's head, leaning in close.

Willow choked. "I, I can feel her breath…"

"That's the point, sweetie," Faith purred, beginning to feel herself become heated. She had never really thought of seducing the red-haired Wicca before, but now found it completely enthralling. The words Willow was spouting couldn't have helped any more than they did, and made the Slayer's actions all the more languid. Willow wanted to be around her? She'd get her.

"Oh my God, oh my God." Willow's eyes dilated and her gaze darted down to Faith's lips. "What, what am I doing? What is she doing? She's not even holding onto me, why aren't I running?"

"Because you don't want to."

"Yes I do! No, no I don't. You're right. No! You're wrong!" Willow licked her lips. "Her eyes are so deep. She's so warm. Why can I feel her heat? Is it a Slayer thing? Why am I so breathless? Why –!"

Faith cut her off, tired of her babble. God, Red, she thought right before she settled her lips over Willow's, just shut up! She could feel Willow's surprised mouth suddenly still against her, and she was pleasantly surprised by its softness.

Willow trembled. Moving her arms down to the redhead's shoulders, Faith slowly deepened the kiss. For some reason, she didn't feel like going straight for the prize. She was liking this a bit too much.

Willow's mouth opened tentatively under hers, and Faith was afforded the sweetness right behind her lips. Oh God, she didn't think this would feel so good.

"What the hell is going on here!?" And suddenly, Faith was wrenched away, thrown across the room into a nearby bookcase.

And there was Buffy, hazel eyes flashing and exuding righteous fury. She stood in front of Willow, shielding her friend, glaring at Faith with all the anger she could muster showing on her face.

The brunette, groaning a bit and biting back an expletive as she pushed herself off of the splintered wood – Buffy's force having been that great – glared back. Crossing her arms in front of her chest and adopting an apathetic expression, she drawled dispassionately, "Why don't you ask the red witch that? She's the one who started it."

A sharp bark escaped from the blonde's mouth. "I find that hard to believe." If looks could kill…

"Uhm, Buffy? Buffy." A slender hand reached out from behind the Slayer, and Willow tugged on the blonde's shirt.

Buffy's eyes barely flickered to look at her.

"I'm fine, really. It's just that Faith's lips were so hot, and gosh! She's just so hot, and the kiss really was that good – how does she know how to kiss anyway, and oh! Oh! I'm saying this out loud, aren't I?" At that outburst, Willow's face seemed to crumple, and hot tears started to squeeze out of her eyes.

"Willow? Willow!" Finally taking her attention off of the other slayer, Buffy turned to her friend, her expression almost slack-jawed. "You… You initiated it?"

Willow shook her head, then nodded, shook her head again. Her jaw was clenching so hard it looked like it hurt. Finally, as even more tears erupted, it looked like she lost the physical battle. "Buffy!" the redhead wailed, "I'm so attracted to both of you!" Even as she was sobbing, Willow's mouth was talking, babbling over and over it was making it hard to breathe.

"I-I-uh," she choked out, pain in her chest blossoming, her throat constricting, "I can't breathe. I can't… So sexy! No! Please no – heart beating so fast whenever around – no, God no – strong fingers caressing places – I, God, no, I, uh, gah…" Willow's face started to turn blue as she doubled over.

"Uh, Buff…?" Faith's eyes flicked back and forth between the girl she was just kissing to her light counterpart, feeling a little helpless, "What's goin' on?"

"I was going to ask you that!" Buffy yelled out, trying desperately to keep her friend up and breathing, her hands digging into the redhead's shoulders. Her confusion at the words her friend was spouting could take a backseat. With horror, she realized that her best friend was having trouble breathing. "Faith. Faith!" she yelled again, "Find Giles! Get him here, quick!"

With a quick nod and a blurted out "Sure thing" Faith raced out of the library.


	9. Chapter 9

8/17/04

Tara

AN: This is the second Buffy fanfic I ever wrote. Ah… Those were the days.

* * *

She knew someone was watching. They always were. Huddling deep into her large brown sweater, letting her long blonde hair obscure her face, she just wanted those eyes to go away. Finally, a second later, the eyes slid over her and she was dismissed. Again. Even when people looked at her, she knew they would look away pretty quickly. Whatever it was that drew the stares, she knew that she didn't have the capacity to hold them.

But she'd rather have it that way. It was easier. Then the evil demon that lived inside of her wouldn't stir, wouldn't make itself known. She could go on pretending that it wasn't there, the threat of her 20th birthday looming over her just a little bit less. She could go on living her life between people, not get involved with anyone. Because she knew if she did… The demon would take over her body.

She sometimes wished she didn't know so much.

***

Willow approached UC Sunnydale's library with something akin to breathlessness. Her palms, almost sweating with excitement, clutched her binder to her chest, the edges digging into her clothing. Here she was, setting foot on the college's campus for the first time, getting ready to go into a _real_ library. Well, not that Giles' library at the High school wasn't impressive, but this was a _college _library! It had _real_ books about schooling and learning – not just books on the occult that Giles always had handy.

People milled around her, all looking so old and assured with themselves as they hurried to class. So much so that Willow almost felt _more_ out of place than she usually did when faced with huge crowds. However, before she could be put off by that feeling, the library loomed in front of her. Her eyes grew wider, her mouth opened of its own accord, and she stepped reverently in, stopping on the threshold.

…Only to be jostled from behind as someone ran into her. "Hey, watch it, lady! You _wanna_ be knocked over?" The sandy-blond haired guy glared at her, and Willow apologized profusely, a deep blush settling embarrassedly onto her cheeks. She scuttled over to the wall, breathing deeply. Of course! What did she expect, stopping in the middle of the doorway? Shaking her head, she smoothed down her fuzzy pink sweater and looked at what the college had to offer her.

***

"I'm telling you, Buffy, that library is so awesome! I mean, it had real books!"

Buffy glanced around the high school library where both she and the redhead were eating their lunch. Raising an eyebrow, she asked, "And this doesn't? I thought for sure that was what those things made out of paper and ink were on those bookshelves over there. Could have fooled me."

Willow sighed at her friend's jab, taking a bite of her sandwich before speaking. "You know what I mean. _Real_, _educational_, books. Books on any subject I could think of! Just there, waiting for me to come upon its spot in the bookcase, offering up its knowledge – for free! Like it's all there for me! I can grab any book I want, crack it open, and there! There's the meaning of life I've been looking for! Okay, well maybe not really, but you know what I mean. It's so big! All those books!"

Buffy started to edge away. Her friend was beginning to get that hungry look on her face, and the blonde could swear that her green eyes were beginning to glow. The redhead was waving her sandwich around as she went on and on, and Buffy didn't really want to get splattered by any of its ingredients. "Hey, Wills', I get the point. Big. Library. Books. Right. Good. Just, keep that sandwich down, kay? I'm wearing white."

Looking slightly abashed, Willow blushed, lowered her sandwich, "Sorry."

"S'okay. I know how you get when you find a new information headquarters." Buffy reached out and squeezed Willow's hand supportively, smiling, "Like a kid in a candy store. Just keep it down for the educational lacking, kay?"

Willow nodded, smiling back.

"Hey, you talking about me?" The library door slammed closed, and Xander strode in, proudly holding his catch of a package of twinkies and a soda up. "I heard education lackage. Who's lacking?" He drew out a chair from the table with his foot and sat down confidently. He turned twinkling eyes onto his oldest friend, "Willow. Has the educational system finally caught up with you? I told you not to take all of those extra credit options. Bad Willster. You're failing, aren't you?"

Buffy snorted. "You wish. Maybe then you'd look good."

"Hey!" Xander preened, wiping his fingernails on his shirt, "I happen to _try_ to not do my homework. It's a sacred art."

Giles walked up, carrying five heavy looking books in his arms. Dropping them onto the table with a thump, he wiped his forehead, and turned to the three teens sitting in front of him. "I _do_ wish you three would actually concentrate on your schoolwork. It _is_, after all, your senior year. And," the British man raised a hand as Buffy opened her mouth to speak, "although I know it is hard with all of your extracurricular activities – which I certainly don't help stopping them, I admit – you do really need to think about your future." He looked pointedly at Buffy.

She looked away, her eyes lowering. She knew as well as everyone else in the room that a Slayer's life span wasn't the longest in the world. "Well," she squared her shoulders, turning to look at Willow and Xander next to her, "I guess that means study night at my house tonight after patrol, then. There is a History test coming up that I need to pass." She winced at her words. When had her goal in school turned from getting good grades to just passing?

Willow looked at Xander, and as he shrugged, she turned back. "Great. I can show you the great book on Metaphysical Studies that I got from the college!"

"Really?" Giles looked interested, and he asked, "Do you think I could see it after you're done? That's actually a hobby of mine."

"Really?" Willow almost jumped onto the Watcher, her eyes brightening, "How could I not have known?"

Buffy looked over at Xander. They both rolled their eyes. Here they go again.

As the Watcher and the Wiccan compared notes, Xander slid over his package of Twinkies. Buffy took one, took a deep bite, chewed, and swallowed guiltily. "These are too good to be synthetic."

Xander shook his head, biting off his own twinkie, "What are you talking about? That's what makes them good!"

***

It was her second day being at the UC library for research on her extra credit assignment for her Biology class, and she _still_ hadn't come up with the perfect topic. Frowning at the paper spread out on the table in front of her, her pens sorted by rainbow color off to her left, a stack of still unopened textbooks on her right, Willow reached up and smoothed a red bang away, worrying her lower lip. She had all these resources right at her fingertips, but she couldn't think up a good enough idea that would score with her teacher.

Why? If Oz was here, he could have helped me, she thought tiredly, thinking of the werewolf, who, unfortunately, had had a band practice to go to. Even Xander could have helped me! On second thought, she wrinkled her nose, probably not. He'd be too busy checking out the college girls.

Willow buried her head into the crook of her arms, scooting back in her chair so she could prop herself inelegantly onto the table – she was so tired from last night's studying session at Buffy's. However, she didn't notice that her shifting had moved the back of her chair just enough to trip the person passing behind her.

The girl let out a short gasp and tumbled to the floor, the books she had been carrying scattering all around her.

Instantly starting up, a dismayed expression on her face, Willow bent over to retrieve the books that had fallen, not daring to look up to see just how many people were watching. "Oh my gosh, I'm so sorry! I didn't mean to – I know I should have looked to see if anyone was behind me when I pushed back, but you don't really think to do that when you do it – I mean, I don't, which doesn't mean to say that you don't think about it, cuz' you could, I wouldn't know, but--!" Picking up three books without looking at the titles, she turned to the girl, holding them up like a peace offering, her head down. She mumbled a sorry again.

Her gaze snapped up when, as a hand reached forward to accept the books back, a soft voice stuttering a "N-no. It's o-okay. Th-thank you," Willow felt the girl's hand slightly brush against hers, and her whole body erupted with the most incredible feeling of being filled with magic.

Willow's eyes met the bluest color she had ever seen, darkening with surprise. The girl pulled back her hand, her chin dropping to her chest as a wild blush bloomed on her fair skin, her long blonde hair falling in the motion to hang in front of her, framing the elegant planes of her face, not hiding it as Willow would have assumed was the usual.

As her hand stopped touching Willow's, the magic emptied from her body. However, as she sat there, dropping to her knees, the magic still seemed to hum around both of them.

Giving her something to do as her mind raced, she looked down at the books she held. Seeing their titles, her eyebrows jumped up her forehead, and she turned to the girl, blurting out excitedly, "You're a witch!"

The girl looked up slowly, smiling tentatively, her hands playing with the hem of her jean skirt. "W-Wiccan, actually."


	10. Chapter 10

11/18/05

Yule Tide

AN: I've always wanted to write a Christmas themed fanfiction, and this is what I came up with. You see, I like to be unique with my stories.

* * *

It was with a sense of excitement and trepidation that Willow slipped away. She had been planning her escape for a while, knowing that as the Christmas season approached, the chances of being discovered leaving weren't as high as, say, Halloween. Certainly, her parents were completely busy supervising the elves and making sure that nothing would go wrong on 'the most magical of nights', as her father put it.

First, Willow had packed one of her bright holly green knapsacks with everything she could think of. Seeing as the knapsack was magical, the girl had managed to stuff everything from most of her wardrobe to her vast collection of scented candles, many of which were gingerbread, holly, pine, cinnamon, and spice flavored. Slipping in the one vanilla she had, Willow blushed, hoping that she would be able to meet the person she wanted to burn that with. Next, went her endless supply of Christmas cards. She was planning on giving away a Christmas card for every day that she was out in the real world, leaving a part of herself wherever she went. She threw in a couple of Hanukkah ones just to be well-rounded, which was kind of funny, she mused, coming from her background.

Little Willow Rosenberg had been put up for adoption eighteen years ago, at the ripe old age of one day old. Taken with Willow's shock of red hair and twinkling green eyes, she had been quickly flown to the North Pole, where her parents waited eagerly for their new charge. Her parents had never made a secret of her origin, or of the religion that she was born into. They had hired Jewish tutors to teach her about her birthright, and made sure that a Menorah was lit every year. They had even done their best in throwing a Bat Mitzvah, although the overall affect had been ruined when a couple of the reindeer had decided that the Torah, propped up and artistically decorated in only the way clueless elves could do, looked too good to resist eating. It would have been kind of ironic, if she hadn't had siblings as diverse as there were religions. Her younger sister, Kendra, adopted from Jamaica, had even been allowed to explore Myalism and Rastafarian, although her father had forbidden the use of recreational drugs anywhere near the stables.

Willow kissed her father and mother good night, tucked her younger siblings into bed, and gone to where her best friend, Freddy Toy Soldier, had her reindeer saddled and ready. The small young elf had been one of her first friends, taking an interest in the teachings along with Willow, and shared her curiosity of the world she had come from. He was the only other person who knew that she was planning on leaving.

Their goodbyes were quick.

Freddy patted Daisy Mayfield, Willow's rowan colored reindeer. "She's ready," he said, his small voice wavering just a bit.

Willow smiled at him, hugging him tightly. "Thank you! I'm so excited, I probably would have put her saddle on wrong."

Freddy snorted, crossing his arms as he handed her the reins. Instead of responding, he took a small pouch from his pocket and handed it to her. When she made to open it, he shook his head, shockingly blonde hair flying around his face. "Later."

Willow nodded, slipping it into her knapsack. With tears in her eyes, she hugged him again, suddenly moving her chin to kiss him on the cheek. "I'll miss you."

The elf nodded, brushing away his own tears, his youthful features drawn. He watched as Willow scrunched through the snow, leading Daisy out from under the shield of the evergreens, swinging competently up into the saddle. The faint noise of jingle bells carried through the wind as he watched his best friend smile at him, turn Daisy around, and take off into the air. Raising a hand belatedly, his fingers curling into his palm, he whispered, "Be careful."

Willow, feeling the cool air streak past her, glad that she had bundled up for the trip, suddenly squealed, her smile threatening to split her face. She hugged Daisy's warm neck, the animal's enthusiasm catching. Sucking in a deep breath of cool wind, she giggled, throwing her arms into the air. "We're off!"

* * *

Daisy was a young reindeer, strong and energetic. She was capable of traveling for long distances, but Willow didn't want to take any chances. After two hours of constant gallop, expertly using the wind to her advantage, the redhead decided that she would stop down in Canada. Knowing a popular place that her father stopped to rest the primary reindeer, she urged Daisy down.


	11. Chapter 11

12/16/05

Zappy Turtles

AN: Take two of Queerness.

* * *

Willow always had an extra change of clothes with her. Ever since the semester abroad in China four years ago, she had learned quickly the lesson of not being caught unprepared. It had been rather scary in the beginning, but a couple of changes in her lifestyle hadn't been too hard.

So, as her second year at Sunnydale High school was going so well, with there having been no real complications or disasters, she was confident that she could last until Christmas Break without anything happening. Looking at herself in the mirror with a satisfied expression on her face, she patted her large sweater. "Alright, Willow," she asked herself, "Are you ready for another day of school?"

And, with a huge smile on her face, she skipped down the stairs, grabbed her backpack, and skipped out of the house. Her friend Jesse was down the street, waiting at the corner for her. Looping her arm with the black haired boy, she smiled up at him.

He smiled back, "Hey Wills'. You seem chipper this morning."

"Ahuh. Yep!" Willow nodded exuberantly, turning and leading her friend in the direction of the school. "I just have a good feeling about today, is all. How bout you? Study for the big Math test today?"

Jesse groaned, his brown eyes rolling. "Please, can we not talk about that right now? Or, better yet, ever?"

Willow grinned. "You were at the Bronze last night, weren't you. Trying to pick up Cordelia… Again?"

"Sheeyah. What else is there to do on a school night? I know she's just waiting for the right time to approach me…"

It was Willow's turn to roll her eyes. "You wish."

Jesse stopped, the tugging of his arm stilling her. "You're one to talk," he said, curling the side of his mouth up.

"What?"

"Hmm, I don't know… One Xander Harris?"

"Grah!" Willow tried to tackle Jesse, but his much taller height prevented her from getting even close. "No fair! Don't bring him up!"

Jesse just stuck out his tongue and ran down the street after disengaging his arm. Willow barely had a chance to scramble after him, laughing.

When she was in China, having stayed at the home of a family of martial artists, Willow had been dragged along to a special training ground when there was a break in school. So, after arriving at what was known as the Jusenkyo Springs after a week of trekking through the wilderness, at the first sign of water big enough to wash in, she had hurried forward and jumped into the closest one. That had been a big mistake.


	12. Chapter 12

Collectionettes

AN: This is the section where all the little ones I dabbled in are collected. Hence my mangling of the word collection to give the impression of smallness. All of these are less than one page long. And yes, I keep everything I write, no matter how stupid it is. *grin* And remember, if I ever get the urge to continue something in here, I shall, and it'll be posted within it's own story. Yes, some of these end mid-sentence, but that's how I write sometimes.

* * *

12/19/04

Cramped

A.N.: This was inspired by the true antics of my really, really adorable rat, Chuckles. Now, Chuckles really is the best rat anyone could have, and while she _is_ the cutest thing on the planet, she's still a rat. And rats do really …odd… things. *evil grin* (Update: My little one passed away about six months after this was written.)

***

"I ate a tampon?" Amy asked incredulously.

Willow nodded. "More than one."

"I ate tamp_ons_?" Amy repeated.

Willow looked away. "Err… Used ones."

Amy stared at her. "Oh my God!" she burst out, slapping a hand to her mouth and running into the bathroom to retch.

Dawn, walking by the room and surprised by Amy running violently by her, poked her head through the doorway. "What was that?"

Willow shrugged. "Just something she ate when she was a rat."

"Oh. Do I want to know?"

Willow blushed. "No."

Dawn nodded. "O-kay. I need to do homework now."

"Kay. Have fun!" And Willow waved the teenager off. Staring into space while hearing the muffled sounds of Amy in the bathroom, she mused to herself, "Maybe Tara really _did _have something when she said I shouldn't take Amy into the bathroom with me when we had our periods."

She turned her gaze onto the vacant cage. "But she looked so _cramped_ in there…"

* * *

4/18/05

Away

*

She knew what was going to happen. She wasn't quite sure how she knew, but she did, and it scared her. What could she do now? Would she be able to change it? Could she leave them? What should she do?

Could, should, would. Spring break was starting, and it was now, she knew, she would have the only margin of time she had to change anything. Before the urge became too strong.

It would be hard not to turn back. But she had to do it. All she had left was to convince her it was for the best…

*

Grabbing Tara's arm as she exited her last class, she ignored her startled exclamation and dragged her over to the only secluded corner. Ignoring the heat she felt under her hand as she held the blonde's wrist, she finally turned to face her.

"Not even a hello?" Tara asked, her eyes narrowing a bit, although her mouth showed that she wasn't all that perturbed, quirking at the edges.

"Shh." Willow stopped her, raising one hand to press gently against her lips. She suppressed her shiver at the contact, "Just listen for a second, okay?"

Tara nodded, her eyebrows raising as she searched Willow's face.

"Good." Looking around the hallway of UCSD, almost paranoid that Buffy or Riley was going to pop up, she took away her hand. She knew her expression was fierce. Inside, she was shaking. Where was this strength coming from? She concentrated on the most beautiful eyes she had ever seen.

"Tara, I'm leaving."

"What?" Tara crossed her arms, shifting her books to her side. Her frown deepened. "Willow, what's going on? Why are you acting all…" she moved her hand through the air, encompassing all of Willow as she thought of a word, "All, wonky? What do you mean?"

Closing her eyes for a second, Willow took a deep breath. "I'm leaving. I… There's something I know is going to happen, but I can't be a part of it. I _need_ to change it." She stopped, looking up desperately, "You know what I mean? No, of course you don't." Willow turned away. She raised her arms to hug herself, shaking her head. "You can't get in my head. You didn't see what I saw, know what I know. I can't expect you to understand."

"Hey," Tara said, reaching out to draw Willow back to face her, "Come back to me. I don't - I can't understand if you don't explain."

Willow felt tears prick her eyes. "Do you want to know?" she demanded, quieting her voice as she realized where she was.

Tara stared at her almost incredulously, her eyes flaring. "Of course I do!" Swallowing, she looked away, firming her lips. "Look," she said, her voice deepening, "Frankly, you're frightening me.

* * *

Buffy

AN: This was the first Buffy: the Vampire Slayer fanfiction I ever started (!!), and it was before I decided to start putting the dates of when I started fics in the corners, so unfortunately, I don't remember what month or year I started it. :(

*

Surveying the piles of dust that littered the graveyard's grass, the blonde nodded her head in satisfaction and slipped a stake back into her jacket pocket. Turning to the redhead behind her who was filling out a college application, she grinned, tossed her head, and asked, "Up for iced mochas?"

Willow grinned up at her, "Slaying always makes you hungry, doesn't it? I'm for it."

"That obvious? It takes energy, you know." Buffy offered her friend a hand.

Taking it, Willow slipped her arm through Buffy's, swinging her bag as they walked. "Hey, you know how we're trying to get into Human Psychology 101?"

"Mmhm?" Buffy's eyes roved around the road in front of them, but she could hear every word her friend said. "What about it?"

"I hear that it's very hard, especially for freshmen." Willow's voice grew slightly lower.

Buffy stopped, "What? You? The major genius? Are you worried you won't do well?"

Willow looked up at her, a sheepish grin on her face. "I know, but Professor Walsh is supposed to be really strict, and, you know. With our bunch of people, running in and priorities… She might not take our excuses. I mean, before we had Giles to give the occasional explanation, but he doesn't work at the college! And – and I'm trying to get a perfect GPA this year to make up for the fact to my parents that I'm going to Sunnydale U – not that it's a bad school! No! It's a good school! That's one of the reasons that I decided to go there and – "

Buffy held up her hands. "Will! Wills! Hold on! You'll talk your head off!"

Willow blushed. "Willow-babble, huh?"

Buffy nodded, grinning. "Yep."

"I can't help it! It just slips out! I mean, it's like a stigmatism!"

"Part of a plant?" The blonde tilted her head.

"No! That's stomata."

"A religious curse?"

"Buffy! Stop it!"

Buffy grinned. "Alright. But seriously now, Wills," she stopped, turning to gently squeeze the redhead's arm, "You know you have nothing to worry about. You're so smart! I really don't think any mean old teacher can make you flunk. You can show her!"

***

Buffy swallowed. Professor Walsh was such a hardass! She hoped what she had said to Willow would still hold true. Speaking of her best friend, she turned to where she and Oz were cuddling in the seats next to her. Well… Her eyes narrowed. It seemed like Willow was trying to cuddle while the presently human werewolf sat straight in his chair, actively paying attention in class. She tapped the Wiccan on the shoulder. "Hey? You got those last notes?"

"Ahuh!"

Willow slid them over, and Buffy thanked her with a smile. Starting to copy them into her own binder, she looked up as someone tapped her on the shoulder. Riley, the boy who T. the class stood there. "Hey… You dropped this out in the hall. What's it for? Whittling class?" And he dropped right onto her desk.

Willow, Oz and Buffy stared. "Uhm… Passes the time!" she quipped, hurriedly shoving him back into her backpack.

Riley arched an eyebrow, but he seemed to accept the statement. All three of Scooby Club heaved a sigh of relief as they watched his receding back.

"Good one!" Willow hissed, her mouth quirking, getting up from her seat.

"Yeah," Oz said, grabbing his girlfriend's books, accepting the kiss she offered to him on the cheek.

* * *

3/22/05

Bulldogs

*

"I love bulldogs."

"What?"

"Bulldogs." Willow rolled over so her neck no longer stretched over the edge of her bed. Almost absently, she reached over and rubbed in between Miss Kitty's ears.

* * *

6/17/05

Closet

AN: This is an 'alternate scene' from one of my earlier ficlets before, entitled Cordy, I believe. You know when you really want a story to go off somewhere, but you know it's WAY too early for what you want to happen? Well, this is how I cope. I write the little scenes just to get them out of my head. :3 Willow/Cordelia femslash

*

With astonished eyes, Willow watched as the brunette's striking eyes moved closer.

As one, their eyelashes fluttered and closed. Cordelia's breath washed against Willow's lips, and she was reminded of the time that Xander had almost kissed her before Buffy had returned home. Cordelia's long fingers brushed against her cheeks, moving away long strands of silky burgundy hair.

Willow trembled. Her heart was beating triple in her chest. And then, soft, brief – her stomach clenched and feelings of so much magnitude muted her as Cordelia moved away. The gray-green eyes would not look away.

"See," Cordelia said softly, "I told you."

"What?" Willow stared, shocked, into Cordelia's eyes.

A look of satisfaction settled onto Cordelia's face.

* * *

2/15/05

Comp Café

AN: Inspired by my semester abroad in New Zealand. Computer Café's were the only way I could get the internet when we were away from the school. Idea is born.

*

She couldn't believe that she was walking into an internet café. She had never done so before in her life. If someone had walked up to her on the street and asked her if she had, she would have flatly refused even contemplating the idea of entering a café, much less paying to use a computer. Internet cafes had always seemed to be the place where perverts got off masturbating in public, and where middle aged men and preteen boys wiled hours away playing internet gaming. But here she was. A college student without a computer and the campus library closed.

Staring intently at the see-through glass door and the flight of stairs that turned a corner upstairs, she made sure that no one was looking when she slipped inside.

Hmm. Well, the air didn't seem to be any different than the outside, and as she walked up the steps, she was relieved to see that they didn't echo under her feet. Poking her head in through the door,

* * *

3/21/05

Faint

*

She crouched low over the edge of the mausoleum's roof, contemplating the meaning of life. Behind her, she could hear the scraping of a vampire on the other side of the tomb, trying to catch up to her through the fog of confusion she had spelled up. Shaking with fear, she pressed closer to the gargoyle she was hiding behind, hoping that its shadow would hide her in the already dark night. Her breath was hot and tight; no matter what she did, it hissed past her teeth. She could barely concentrate for the pounding of her heart.

* * *

12/25/04

Ghost

*

When Tara Maclay opened the door to the room she shared with Miss Kitty Fantastico, she found that someone else occupied the space. Other than her furry companion who jumped off of a skirted lap to twine around the college student's legs, a redheaded woman hunched over herself on the bed. In the light twinkling from the white Christmas lights Tara had placed up against the walls and ceiling, the woman's red hair looked deep brown and layered, and her deeply dyed purple sweater blended into the shadows. With her back to her, Tara would not have noticed the woman if Miss Kitty hadn't suddenly appeared from behind her.

Clutching her bookbag to her chest, the blonde took a step back, her shoulders hitting against the door to her dorm room, not realizing that she had automatically closed it behind her. At the sound, the woman whipped her head around, her red hair swinging out with the motion. Large green eyes stared at her, and an utterly terrified expression swallowed up the woman's face. Her lips pursed to make sound.

She vanished.

Tara stared at her empty bed. The sheets hadn't even been moved from that morning when she had made it. Setting down her bag with trembling fingers, the blonde leaned back, gathering Miss Kitty to her chest for comfort.

A lingering sense of cold and fear permeated the Wiccan's room.

After five minutes of whispering quiet incantations and sprinkling incense around the perimeter of the room, the presence faded. Settling down at her desk, Tara scratched under her kitten's chin before picking up her phone. Dialing Mr. Giles' number, she listened to it ring, wondering who the apparition of Stevenson Hall Dorm #214 would be. The Hall Guard hadn't mentioned anything about it when she moved in, and she knew that in a town such as Sunnydale, people would be lax if they did not pass on any superstitions.

* * *

6/21/05

Hypothesis

*

She rolled over, trying to put distance between herself and the ringing alarm. Finally, when the annoying sound grew too much, she rolled back and violently smashed her fist down onto the buzzer. Immediately, she regretted her actions.

Moaning, and deciding that yes, pain really does wake one's self up, she cradled her hand to her chest, sitting up. Using her throb-free hand to push messy bangs away from her eyes, she looked around her room. She pouted when it looked the same. As always.

Stretching out her hand to prevent it from cramping, she threw her sheets off, slid her legs over the side of her bed, and began her normal routine. Walking to her bathroom, she brushed her teeth and took a shower, changed into the new clothes she and Buffy had bought the day before, and dried her hair. She peered into the mirror, inspecting her forehead with an air of defeat.

* * *

8/15/05

Lower

AN: I had such a thing for Willow/Spike stories at this time. A lot of the fics written around this time had a lot of subtext between the two.

*

When Spike entered the room, he sauntered over and tapped Willow on the shoulder. "It's time," he stated. Willow nodded, the red of her hair whispering past her high collar. She paused to shut down her computer, but was soon up, all the supplies they needed secure in her shoulder bag.

Stopping only to lock the Magic Box behind her, Willow followed the dark shape in front of her. It didn't take long for the two of them to reach their destination. Cupping his hands around the flame of his lighter as he looked at her intently, the cigarette dangling from his lips, Spike spat and took a long drag.

"You ready for this, Luv?" the slim blond asked, his gaze glittering in the moonlight.

Willow nodded, setting her jaw. She knelt down and sprinkled a glowing circle around her sitting body, looking up only when she was done. "You have it?" she asked, and Spike nodded, stubbing out his cigarette under his boot. He dished an amulet out of his pocket and tossed it at her.

"Great. Thanks. You know what to do, right?"

The vampire nodded again, taking his place off to the right, making sure that no demon or slayer could burst into the clearing and interrupt the ritual. He crossed his arms, hearing the leather of his duster creak in the quiet air, set his feet, and waited.

Willow took out a bound book from her bag and set it before her, open. Retrieving an earthenware bowl and herbs from her bag, along with a pestle and small bottle of red liquid, she ground the herbs in the bowl, beginning to mutter under her breath. Pouring the liquid over the concoction, she picked up the amulet and with one hand, scooped up the mixture, spreading it liberally over the surface of the talisman.

She repeated the gesture with her cheeks and forehead, the mixture making a slightly bubbling noise as it encountered her skin. With only a flicker of discomfort over her face, Willow's chanting became louder. She raised the amulet over her head, both of her hands smeared with the red pulp.

Light began to build around her body, pulsing from the middle of the amulet. Spike shifted on his feet, watching her closely. Around the two of them, the forest had quieted even more, the white of the moonlight staining everything with a silvery glow, the Wicca's red hair almost blonde.

Finally, as the light reached a zenith point, no longer aimlessly pulsing around Willow's body but adhering to her skin and clothing, she screamed her final word, bringing down the amulet with both hands to slam into the ground, a loud shattering noise breaking the otherwise silence of the forest and the clearing was suddenly shrouded in black, no matter the moon overhead.

Tensing, Spike ran to where Willow had been, almost stumbling over her panting figure. As her body suddenly started to glow, pushing back the darkness and restoring the moonlight and stars, the light finally leeched off of her, flowing off into the night. Wet, sweat-curled red hair hung over the remains of the amulet, and Willow bowed her head, finally sitting up with the vampire's help.

"It's done?" he asked.

She nodded tiredly, using his shoulder as a crutch. "It's done. Now we just wait."

* * *

12/27/04

One

*

The color on her bedroom walls had to go. It was washed out, and too pale for the mood she found herself in as late. Surveying it through tired eyes, she uncurled her legs and leaned back, becoming prone on her bed. Her long hair fanning out around her head and shoulders, she raised a hand to rub her right temple, which had a pounding headache.

Lately, her body had been conspiring against her, nurtured on, she was sure, by her mental state. Hello sophomore year, hello sanity overhaul. Everything that had happened that year so far was just enough to show her how depressed she should be.

And depressed she was. Everyday she had to struggle to rise from her bed and collect her homework, shove it into her backpack, and trudge to school. Everyday she had to paste a fake smile on her face, put a fake note of happiness in her voice, and support everyone else.

Buffy had Angel. Xander had Buffy. Giles had Ms. Calender, obviously. And Willow? She wanted Xander. Well, had. Had wanted him. Willow prided herself in the fact that she had matured enough to realize just how much Xander took her for granted.

Curling into a half ball, she looked at her wall again. Too pale. Why not paint it black? No. Her lips curled into an exasperated smile. Her mother would have a field day with that. Deep purple? Cerulean? She could probably get away with that.

Her phone rang. She debated whether or not she should answer it. It rang again, and she sighed, rolling over to pick it up. Who knows? It could be a life or death situation. Would they need their local hacker?

It was Amy. She needed the notes to that day's science class, seeing as she had been sick that day. Willow agreed to come over as soon as she hung up. Doing so, she rolled off of her bed and grabbed her coat and cross, slipping a vial of holy water into her pocket. She picked up her schoolbag and was ready to go.

Knowing that her parents weren't going to be home until the next night, she didn't bother to leave a note. Sliding the key off of its place on the kitchen wall, she locked the door behind her and started the walk to Amy's father's house.

It was one of those nights when she wished she had a bike or scooter. She wasn't envious in the least that Cordelia was old enough to have a car, or that Xander knew how to skateboard. Buffy had her Slayer strength to carry her far fast, and Giles had his ancient car. Well, Willow had her legs. And even if the night was particularly dark and the sky crowded with heavy clouds that threatened rain, she knew that her legs wouldn't fail her, if only for existential circumstances.

Coming quickly to downtown Sunnydale, where she would have to turn soon to get to Amy's house, she felt slightly safer. People were still out, and the many lights from stores still open or just closing illuminated the streets more than the obligatory lights outside of people's houses. Smiling at a couple of high school girls that she knew, she turned past the Sunnydale movie theater.

Entertaining herself with reciting the periodic table of elements out loud, she glanced up at the sky and wondered if she should have brought an umbrella after all.

* * *

9/18/05

Perhaps

*

Grabbing her lover's hand, the redhead led her through the throngs of people, sure in the dark of the club.

* * *

9/19/05

Understanding

AN: Willow/Dawn femslash.

*

It was about half a year back from England that Willow realized that Dawn touched her differently than she did anyone else. At first, she figured that the teen was extending her feelings of missing Tara in the only way she knew how: late night hugging and cuddling fests in one of their dark bedrooms, curled up on the bed. But the teenager also reminisced with her sister, who had joined them on more than one occasion.

No. This was different. Dawn's touches were more deliberate, pressing into her shoulder for prolonged periods of time, yet soft and fleeting at other times, as if she wasn't sure of her intent, her fingers skittering over her wrist.

She remembered how it was for her as a teenager, not sure of how she was supposed to relate to everyone, even if they expected the same girl that she had been a month before. It had been a confusing time, to be sure. Perhaps Dawn was just growing more comfortable with her.

But there was a side affect to all of the interest. Willow found herself paying close attention to the younger girl, concentrating on her movements. Whenever she moved close, Willow would shift just enough to afford Dawn the opportunity to touch her. She started finding reasons to be close to her, and began to help her with her homework more often. All of the attention was flattering and good for her bruised soul.

It was with an almost resigned feeling that she stopped pretending that she didn't know what was happening. Slowly but surely, Willow Rosenberg was falling for Buffy Summers' younger sister.

*

"Hey, Dawnie?"

Dawn looked up from her math book, glad for the break. Math always made her head hurt. Smiling at her friend in the doorway, she sat up and patted the space next to her.

"Hey. Having fun with math?" Willow asked, grinning. She accepted the invitation to sit, settling down next to the brunette.

Dawn stuck out her tongue. "Ugh, no. Why do I have to learn this again?"

"Because you don't want to end up like Buffy, working at the Double Meat Palace, do you?"

She shuddered, screwing up her face in distaste. "Darn your sense. So!" she gladly dropped her book, asking perkily, "What did you want?"

Willow smiled at her. "There's this new exhibit coming to the Sunnydale Museum, and since UCSD's helping to fund it, I got two free tickets. I was wondering, if you were free tomorrow night, if you wanna go?"

"What's the exhibit?"

"Umm… Some sort of Early Puritan Days thing, or something. I'm, um, actually supposed to be seen there, so I'd really like it if you could come? Besides, aren't you studying early America? It could be some neat extra credit!"

Dawn frowned, pausing to mutter, "As if extra credit's ever fun."

"Sure it is! You get credit for the extra-ness!" Willow made a cross face when the teenager giggled at her.

* * *

8/27/05

Whisper

*

Cordelia Chase was starting to feel paranoid. Brushing long hair from her shoulder, she surreptitiously looked to the side where Xander, Willow, and Buffy were talking with the librarian. The popular girl sighed, looked down at her fingernails, and then blew the air out of her mouth. "This is insane!" she finally shouted, slapping her hands down onto the table, "Why isn't anyone here, talking to me? Making sure that I'm all right? It happened to me, didn't it?"

Buffy turned to her, a barely concealed annoyed look on her face. "Cordelia," she started, breathing deeply, "We are _trying_ to help you out here. Chill." She sighed and crossed her arms, "Giles, why can't we just charge out and kill the thing?"

And Cordelia immediately felt ignored again. What was this? Wasn't she almost an important part of the Scooby gang? Even Xander, her so-called-wannabe-boyfriend wasn't next to her, calming her down. God… Why did she ever let him kiss her?

Deciding that nothing was getting done and that she needed some shopping therapy, the brunette cheerleader stood up. "God, people, whatever. I'm out of here. It's not like you care."

"That's very astute of you," Xander offered, "We're here, helping you out after saving your hide, and oh, of course, we don't care."

"Obviously! You'd research the monster anyway. I was just a plus!" And Cordelia stomped out of the library.

"Cordy! Cordelia, wait!"

* * *

10/12/05

Xero

*

Willow died several times on her way out of the grave. With the lack of air and resulting rain of dirt, splinters from her coffin and panic, it was a miracle that she got out at all. Panting, arms aching, she sat with her body up to her chest buried. With eyes clenched tightly shut, she reached up and touched the sides of her neck. No bite mark. She breathed in deeply. Yeah, she was alive. Somehow.

With one last heave, she managed to pull herself out with a minimal of kicking and twisting. Groaning, she rolled off of her plot of dirt, heart beating wildly. The sky was overcast, so she couldn't see the moon. Would it be a wolf moon? Probably not. Wouldn't matter, anyway. Oz was long gone.

After twenty minutes of catching her breath and feeling her heart beat slow, she got onto her hands and knees, grimacing at the rawness of her knuckles, of her cracked and torn bleeding fingertips. As quickly as she could, she crawled far away from the cemetery.

Stopping at a shout and clatter of footsteps, Willow dropped her head, feeling incredibly weak. She couldn't see who was approaching her, her curtain of hair obscuring her view.

"Oh my God. W-Willow?"

She collapsed against Buffy's legs. Reaching up one trembling hand, she almost sighed in relief when the blonde encased it in her own. The Slayer encircled her into a hug, warm tears falling onto Willow's cheek. "No vampire," she murmured. "How?"

Willow waited for her to pull away, Buffy dashing hastily at hazel eyes. "I don't know," she admitted, wanting to shrug, but settling for a half-smile instead. All she knew was that she was tired beyond all belief.

* * *

11/21/05

Yule Tide 2

*

She couldn't believe it! She was finally in Sunnydale, CA, situated in the USA, the place where she had been put up for adoption. Willow didn't have a need to find her birth parents, but she figured that going to the place that she was really from would offer her the best idea of what the outside world was like. Kendra would have a different experience, no doubt, she mused, touching down.


End file.
